And when it happens...

I really enjoy being well-rested

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 01:47:49 +1000

But I detest the actual act of putting myself to bed and going to sleep.

bobbyfinger: (I watch this skit too often.) there is no...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 01:06:44 +1000

bobbyfinger:

(I watch this skit too often.)

there is no “too often” for this skit, Bobby.

Books I bought. (Taken with instagram)

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:35:40 +1000

Books I bought. (Taken with instagram)

Snack shelf.

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:26:50 +1000

Snack shelf.

alittleconfidentiality: Movies Watched in 2012 #54. An...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:24:31 +1000

alittleconfidentiality:

Movies Watched in 2012

#54. An Education (dir. Lorne Scherfig, 2009)

A coming-of-age story about a teenage girl in 1960s suburban London, and how her life changes with the arrival of a playboy nearly twice her age.

8/10

Sometimes a film will speak to a certain part of you, that means regardless of how good it is, you will be unable to avoid having a connection with it. Thankfully, this film was good.

How could you not adore Carey Mulligan? She’s certainly shown her acting chops since this film, but it is so fascinating to see her younger, and just as talented. I’ve never given Sarsgaard his proper dues, either.

It’s not an instant favourite. It won’t be in my top 20, or top 30. Maybe no even top 50 (by the time I’ve watched many of the films I’m dying to watch). But it contained something that just feels so close to me, such a part of me, that I will be unable to forget it.

I got asopenasthesky to watch this the other night! I’d seen it before. Watching it again is pretty great, and you pick up on a few extra things, and you squirm in anticipation so much more.

rebeccamock: Party (gif version) original (x) You should go look, Rebecca’s whole blog is...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:15:08 +1000

rebeccamock:

Party (gif version)

original (x)

You should go look, Rebecca’s whole blog is AMAZING.

Gets a little NSFW, tho. Actually a lot.

Melbz, you ridiculous city. #nofilter (Taken with Instagram at...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:11:36 +1000

Melbz, you ridiculous city. #nofilter (Taken with Instagram at Royal Exhibition Building)

ninefruits replied to your post: ninefruits replied to your photo: I debuted my… You should...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:59:57 +1000

ninefruits replied to your post: ninefruits replied to your photo: I debuted my…

You should do a stand up/jazz flute combo one woman show.

Terrifying. That is a terrifying thought.

bonnechoses replied to your post: ninefruits replied to your photo: I debuted my…

safety? what safety. we know what you play, where you go, and probs could find your name.

LOL OF COURSE U DO WE’RE SISTERS.

And don’t encourage stalking.

And stalkers, don’t stalk me. I’m pretty boring and also my bag is pretty heavy usually so I can really wallop you.

Free beltzzz.

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:58:38 +1000

Free beltzzz.

'DATE NIGHT' bit part role-call

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:51:24 +1000

Leighton Meester
Kristen Wiig
Mark Ruffalo
will.i.am (eh)
Mark Wahlberg
Mila Kunis
James Franco
Common

ninefruits replied to your photo: I debuted my favourite coat for winter 2012/bribed… Why...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:25:59 +1000

ninefruits replied to your photo: I debuted my favourite coat for winter 2012/bribed…

Why didn’t you advertise said gig on the internet so people could come along?

Haha it was a uni gig so it’s not really everyone’s deal/safety on the internet, yo.

I debuted my favourite coat for winter 2012/bribed myself to go...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:23:27 +1000

I debuted my favourite coat for winter 2012/bribed myself to go out and play a gig tonight.

à la gales, "a hill I will die on"

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:13:48 +1000

rgr-pop:

opendrawer:

I am really unwavering about the fact that there is a huge fucking difference between productive “self-care” that leads to positive progression and self-actualization and a better life, and vaguely self-destructive coping methods to preserve oneself and meet short-term needs. Like, I’ll take lorazepam and sleep all day so I don’t kill myself, or I’ll completely (like, not based-in-reality completely) isolate myself from my interests and hobbies so that I don’t have to see people whose presence gives me panic attacks, but in no world would any critical-thinking person call isolation and sleeping all day “self-care.” Like, there’s a difference, okay, and it’s not ableist to say that, and that doesn’t mean that those unhealthy coping methods aren’t important at the time that they’re used, because yeah, survival mechanisms are pretty fucking important. No one is telling you not to do that shit if you’re really bent on doing that shit. But it’s pretty disingenuous and semi-dangerous to believe that (for example) not leaving my abusive partner “for reasons” (ie. coping) and leaving my abusive partner for the betterment of my life (ie. self-care) are synonymous, and it took me four years of being the most annoying, emotionally-stunted person in the world to finally realize that it’s not ableist to be fed up with wallowing in self-pity and stagnation, or god forbid, even talk about being fed up with wallowing in self-pity and stagnation.

I know we’ve talked about this before, and you know I totally agree with you and love the way you talk about self-destructive self-help.

Here’s the moment in this conversation where I feel like I need to put on my mom/advocate pants on: I would never, ever deny that so many people perform “self-care” which is really self-destructive and which perpetuates their own trauma/cycles of abuse/symptoms. (I also would agree that people abuse the hell out of the term on the internet, like they abuse the hell out of lots of other mental health concepts. And when we abuse concepts like “self-care” it doesn’t upset me because I’m concerned that someone might be perpetuating their own unhappiness by Buying A Lot Of Cake And Eating It. It concerns me because abuse of these terms waters down the language that people have to talk about illness/disability.)

The thing is, though, that self-care is not, by definition, supposed to be a long-term healing solution. It does not need fix problems on a long-term scale. Self-care can perpetuate illness, because that’s what self-care means. I hate to be someone who tries to derail this conversation with **precise** **academic** discourse, but I really, really, want to remind everyone that self-care is a term that has a real meaning and real implications in mental health and social work practices. It’s a real thing, it’s employed by doctors and counselors and rape/abuse crisis specialists, and as such it has a definition. I am really, really uncomfortable with us overlooking this, not because I want this conversation to be more ~legitimate but because I think it is dangerous to be loose with that.

Okay, so, the meat of it: yes, no matter what, self-care looks different for everyone. (Because, of course, health/symptoms are different for everyone.) And yes, there are lots of definitions that are used in lots of different fields in lots of different ways. (Here I’m way more knowledgeable with mental health stuff, though. So, like, I can’t tell you a whole lot about like cardiology and self-care, but that is also a thing.) And yes, yes, self-care for some situations can totally function as a cure.

In general, self-care means practices that maintain, promote, or achieve health. Self-care and coping can mean the same thing. They can! I don’t think any doctor will disagree with that definition! (However, I am not a doctor, so I can’t speak for doctors.) Here is one of the things we should glean from that definition: self-care does not have to make you 100% better. It’s cool if it does, but it doesn’t have to.

Like, for me, one thing that really stuck out was this idea that Lorazepam isn’t self-care (and, hey, maybe it’s not, but this is just an example) because it somehow doesn’t address the fact that you’re having panic attacks. Honestly, I know lots of people who have panic attacks and who have found lots of ways cure them of that, but I am not one of them. I have learned (and, like, doctors have told me) that people with panic issues as severe as mine can’t like, get better. We can’t suddenly be cured of panicking over everything. We can take anxiety medication, and that is usually a very good long-term solution. (I have never found a medication that works, fyi.) But mostly what a person with panic issues/panic disorders can do is avoid situations that trigger them, and learn how to cope in order to address the symptoms quickly and with the fewest casualties. That is basically all you can do. That is all I can do. What this does is help me “maintain” functioning level. I might have to miss a lot of classes, but I won’t die. And by these definitions, that’s not adequate “self-care.” But by a doctor’s definition, and by the Science That Proves That I’m Not Dead, that is self-care. And one of these things, unfortunately, is Benzos or whatever, you know?

Syrja shared a little about how this works with a classic panic disorder—basically, when you are having a panic attack and then panicking about having a panic attack, your immediate goal is to not have a panic attack. She told me that she’s never really been prescribed any long-term drugs for that but that her ADD medication helps a lot. This is because you can’t, like, cure a panic disorder. You can’t exercise your way out of a panic disorder and then someday be a Person With No Panic Disorder. (If you have done this, I guess, not to erase you or whatever. But that’s not usually very useful.) The reason an ADD medication helped Syrja is because it promoted self-care in that it helped her be able to cope/address/ground her thoughts in the case of a panic attack. Because, like, if you have a panic disorder and really bad ADD, I can only imagine you wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with yourself.

Not avoiding stuff is not automatically great self-care. A good example of this is my email anxiety. Sometimes it’s really, really, really bad and I will think I’m going to have a panic attack when I open my email. Sometimes I do. But I almost always, always find that I am better able to manage these symptoms if I check my email regularly and go through certain steps when I do so, instead of avoiding email forever. (Incidentally, for what it’s worth, my email-checking anxiety symptoms are usually way less awful when my life is way less awful, but, you know, exercising and eating right isn’t exactly going to make the news in my inbox any less awful.)

But if I didn’t avoid stuff sometimes, I would die. That is how the illnesses I am living with work. And, like, when I take Every Klonopin I Have, I am not enacting good self-care. (Usually when I take Every Klonopin, my goal is self-obliteration. But again, whatever.) But when I take, you know, a dose of Ativan and take a nap, even if that reads like “avoidance,” it is self-care because it makes me maintain life. It makes me not die. And that is, literally, the only thing I can do in those situations. Sitting on my couch for a semester didn’t necessarily cure me of my anxiety, but also I don’t try to kill myself as often when I let myself do that. You know! Because diseases!*

There is no positive progression with a lot of illness. There is only surviving/doing ok for yourself.

*mileage may vary

The other major tenant of self-care’s definition is the notion of “self-regulating.” Self-care, I will say this a million times, is not always/usually aimed at curing. The goal of self-care for a hypoglycemic is not “don’t have hypoglycemia.” The goal of self-care for a hypoglycemic is “don’t pass out.” (This is a bad example w/r/t what you’re talking about, because hypoglycemic self-care is, um, the opposite of Eating All The Ice Cream Because I’m Sad. I am bad at this.)

In advocate circles (ie, sexual assault intervention/people who help other people deal with being raped and abused who in many cases were also raped and abused), there’s a model of self-care which emphasizes restorative processes and not-triggering-you processes. What this looks like, for most of us, and what counselors most often recommend is creating a “space” where we can do something that doesn’t Destroy Our Souls for a little bit. That’s basically the only thing you can do to cope with these kinds of vicarious traumas. This usually looks quite a bit like that “real” self-care list: exercise! say hi to your mom! eat a good meal! But it can also mean things that are bad for you (eat some ice cream if that makes you feel better!) or things that seem frivolous (bubble baths!*). But maybe, more than anything, one of the best tips for advocate self-care is “don’t talk about rape for a night or something,” which is “avoidant” but also, if we didn’t do it, we would not be useful/we would die.

*baths are actually really therapeutic for muscles so w/e

Anyway, here’s my major point. Destructive “self-care” (like, you know, taking Every Klonopin I Have) is bad, but there is nothing in the definition of “self-care” which requires it to be, in every instance, productive. And a model of “self-care” which relies on being “productive” can’t apply to a lot of instances. The goal of most self-care is to be, maybe, “restorative” but at the very least a form of “maintenance.”

Pulled this up for reference:

Anna Hansson, Pernilla Hilleras and Yvonne Forsell have a piece which samples people’s purposeful self-care practices (Social Indicators Research 73.1, 2005)—“Some studies have shown that self-help interventions concerning social support, physical exercise, self-help books and certain herbs are likely to help people with milder depression.” (They go on to explore more general “well-being” related to depression and depression-related symptoms, but they also point out that research hasn’t consistently linked any widely-employed form of self-care or self-help to an overall, long-term improvement in symptoms.)

But the final thing I’m thinking about is: how much are we conflating “symptoms” with “self-harm?” What if you’re Eating All The Ice Cream because of your bipolar disorder? What about people who view self-harm (cutting) as self-care? What does that mean? Really, what does that mean?? Like, someone tell me what self-care looks like for trichotillomania?? What does it mean when “productive self-care” for me should be “just don’t fucking pull your hair out” but that’s really, really hard and also sometimes I pull my hair out because if I’m not pulling my hair out I would be having a panic attack? *

*the answer is that maybe I should just stay out of this because I am not exactly the best example of a specimen

**none of this was a defense of Oh I Bought All This Shit As Self-Care, because please.***
***I’m guilty of this but it’s usually jokes/ w/e lemme do what I waaaant

****can most of us even do any of those things [from the original list] when we are in need of self-care? i mean, i can probably brush my teeth when i’m at my worst, but, like, getting on a bicycle would make me DIE. I WOULD DIE.
*****and anyone who tries to argue that “having money” = “self-care” should be blamed for my impending suicide. they really should.

rgr does good talking about self-care.

velarfricative: bofrancis: 221cbakerstreet: #I just want to...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:04:43 +1000

velarfricative:

bofrancis:

221cbakerstreet:

#I just want to know Tom’s thought progression here#somehow it must have involved the phrases ‘shit bricks’ and ‘brickhouses’ because his biceps are huge as bricks #and then it came out in a vomit of words: ‘Chris-Brick-Shithouse-Hemsworth’

it’s more like he just remembered the phrase ‘built like a brick shithouse’ and went with that.

He’s talking Australian! Well, Mangled Australian.

sick burn

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 22:58:26 +1000

sick burn

I was counting on your like for my only slightly thought out ideas! PUT IT ON DA FUTURE THESES PILE LOLASDL::SALDKAS

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 22:52:39 +1000

LOLOLOLOLOL WOT MUSIC DEGREE?

And you know I’m fully in support of half-cooked ideas on the internet! There should be more of them!

mump: how old is chloe moretz?

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 22:33:22 +1000

mump: how old is chloe moretz?
whitepajamas: not old enough.
mump: okay.

Settling in with hummus, Date Night, my colouring-in shizz and the internet while my younger brother...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 22:31:55 +1000

Settling in with hummus, Date Night, my colouring-in shizz and the internet while my younger brother and his friend get ready to go out.

What a difference three years makes.

for Renee.

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 15:04:15 +1000

for Renee.

Someone bought giant dumb fluffy unhealthy white bread and it's making me so happy right now.

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 14:28:00 +1000